How Often Do We Really Ask?
How often do you stop your scrolling, your rushing, or your self-obsession to genuinely ask someone, “How can I pray for you today?” Not in a casual, throwaway line, but in a way that shakes you both to the core. If you’re honest, probably not often enough. Here’s the truth: faith without action is dead. Don’t kid yourself into thinking that occasional lip service counts. Prayer isn’t a box you check or a holy hashtag; it’s a spiritual battle. And asking someone how you can pray for them? That’s stepping into the trenches. It’s messy, uncomfortable, and inconvenient—but so is love.
Years ago, in my darkest hour, drowning in failure and self-loathing, when a friend did something bold. She didn’t offer empty advice or awkward sympathy; she looked me in the eyes and asked, “How can I pray for you?” The rawness of that moment exposed me. I wanted to hide behind my pride, but her presence shattered my defenses. Her question wasn’t casual; it demanded a response. That prayer? It wasn’t magic. My circumstances didn’t miraculously change overnight, but it ignited something in me—a brutal awareness, like what Eckhart Tolle describes as being dragged into the present moment, kicking and screaming. Sometimes, we need that jolt.
This article isn’t about feel-good platitudes or romanticized spirituality. It’s about discipline. Praying for others isn’t glamorous—it’s gritty work. As Anthony de Mello would say, awakening requires sacrifice. You have to let go of your excuses, your laziness, your obsession with comfort. When you ask someone, “How can I pray for you today?” you’re taking on their burdens (Galatians 6:2). That’s heavy lifting, not a spiritual warm-up. But it’s also transformative—both for them and for you. This isn’t about being passive; it’s about stepping up, asking the hard questions, and daring to care deeply. If you’re ready to dig into what that means, let’s get to work.
The Power of Asking
Let’s be clear: most of us are self-absorbed. We’re so consumed with our own problems, goals, and distractions that we rarely stop to consider someone else’s struggles. And when we do? It’s usually shallow, surface-level nonsense. But when you ask someone, “How can I pray for you today?” you’re taking a sledgehammer to your ego. You’re choosing presence over preoccupation, love over indifference. Eckhart Tolle teaches that true presence demands awareness—being fully alive in the moment, not drowning in your own mind. Asking someone about their needs forces you out of your bubble and into a posture of humility and care. It’s uncomfortable, yes, but love often is.
I learned this the hard way. A friend of mine once confided in me that she was struggling with crippling anxiety, but I brushed it off, assuming she’d figure it out. Weeks later, she broke down and admitted she felt invisible—like no one saw her pain. That hit me like a ton of bricks. I had failed her, not because I didn’t care, but because I didn’t act. When I finally asked, “How can I pray for you?” it was like a dam broke. Her vulnerability in that moment taught me what James 5:16 means when it says, “Confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed.” Prayer is powerful, not just because it invites God’s presence, but because it bridges the gaps we create in our relationships.
This isn’t about you feeling holy or righteous. It’s about discipline. Anthony de Mello reminds us that awakening isn’t about warm fuzzies; it’s about ruthless self-honesty. Asking someone how you can pray for them isn’t convenient—it requires time, energy, and a willingness to carry their burdens (Galatians 6:2). You may not even like their answer. They might reveal something that challenges your faith, stretches your patience, or demands your sacrifice. But that’s the point. Prayer isn’t passive; it’s a weapon. If you’re serious about living a life of faith, stop making excuses. Show up, ask the question, and prepare to do the work.
How to Offer Prayer Thoughtfully
Let’s cut to the chase: offering to pray for someone is not about looking holy or earning spiritual points. It’s about showing up, being present, and genuinely caring for another soul. But here’s the hard truth: if you’re careless or pushy about it, you can do more harm than good. You don’t throw a lifeline to someone who’s drowning and then criticize how they grab it. Sensitivity is key. When you ask, “How can I pray for you today?” you need to ensure that person feels safe—not judged. If they say “no” or don’t want to share, respect that. Don’t push. Prayer isn’t about your ego; it’s about serving others.
A few years ago, I offered to pray for a coworker who was struggling. Instead of listening, I steamrolled her with unsolicited advice disguised as spirituality. Her reaction was cold, and honestly? I deserved it. That moment taught me humility. What she needed wasn’t a lecture; it was quiet, compassionate support. As Anthony de Mello warns, “The spiritual life is not a set of beliefs; it’s an attitude of openness and awareness.” If you can’t approach someone’s pain with reverence and respect, you have no business offering to pray for them.
Second, how you phrase your offer matters. Asking someone, “How can I lift you up in prayer today?” is light-years better than vague, empty words like “I’ll pray for you.” Specificity shows you’re invested in their well-being, not just saying things to sound spiritual. Biblical truth backs this up: James 5:16 urges us to “confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed.” Your words should invite healing, not hesitation. Use phrases that open doors, not build walls. For example, try: “Is there something specific weighing on you that I can pray about?” or “What’s been on your heart lately?”
Timing is everything. You don’t ask someone about their deepest struggles in the middle of a grocery aisle or during a five-second text exchange. Be intentional. Casual settings like a quiet coffee chat or a heartfelt conversation at a church gathering are ideal. Eckhart Tolle reminds us that true presence is being “fully here, fully alive in the now.” If you’re too distracted to genuinely listen, don’t bother asking. Your question should be a gift, not an obligation. And don’t underestimate the power of online interactions. Even a thoughtful DM can bridge miles and offer comfort.
Finally, be prepared to follow through. Don’t just ask and forget. Keep a prayer journal or use an app like Echo Prayer (available on Amazon) to track requests and stay accountable. Books like Prayers That Avail Much or Fervent: A Woman’s Battle Plan to Serious, Specific, and Strategic Prayer can sharpen your intercessory skills (check them out here). Remember, prayer is not passive; it’s active. It’s a spiritual workout that requires discipline, selflessness, and sacrifice. If you’re not willing to put in the effort, don’t offer in the first place. But if you’re ready to ask thoughtfully and act faithfully, you might just change someone’s life—and your own.
The Act of Praying for Others
Let’s not sugarcoat it: offering to pray for someone and then forgetting about it is worse than doing nothing. It’s empty, fake, and a betrayal of trust. If you’re going to say, “I’ll pray for you,” then do it—right there, right then. The Bible is clear: “The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective” (James 5:16). But the power isn’t in the delay or in your good intentions. It’s in the act. Stop worrying about sounding eloquent or holy. Prayer isn’t about impressing God or the person standing in front of you. It’s about showing up, being present, and interceding with urgency. If someone shares their pain with you, don’t let the moment pass. Ask them, “Can we pray right now?” Nine times out of ten, they’ll say yes, and that immediate act of faith might be the lifeline they didn’t know they needed.
Years ago, I hesitated when a friend told me about her failing marriage. I promised to pray for her later, but “later” became “never.” Weeks passed, and her situation only worsened. When I finally asked how she was doing, her response cut deep: “I thought you’d forgotten.” That was a brutal wake-up call. Now, when someone opens up to me, I stop what I’m doing, even if it’s inconvenient, and pray in the moment. It’s not about perfection; it’s about presence. As Eckhart Tolle teaches, true presence happens when you step out of your selfish thoughts and focus on the now. Prayer is not a ritual; it’s an act of love.
Next, keep your word. Offering prayer isn’t a one-time deal. It’s a commitment. If you struggle with remembering, use tools to stay accountable. A simple notebook, a prayer app like Echo Prayer, or even sticky notes can work wonders. Amazon carries some fantastic prayer journals, like the Prayer Journal for Women or the Write the Word Journal, to help you stay consistent (check them out here). You can’t expect growth in your spiritual life without discipline. Anthony de Mello put it bluntly: awakening takes effort. The same is true of prayer. When you pray for someone, follow up with them. Ask how they’re doing a week later. Let them know they’re not alone in their journey.
Prayer isn’t one-size-fits-all. Different situations call for different kinds of prayers. If someone is struggling with illness, pray for healing. If they’re overwhelmed, pray for strength and peace (Philippians 4:6-7). For guidance, ask God to make their path clear (Proverbs 3:5-6). And don’t forget gratitude. Gratitude prayers are the unsung heroes of spiritual life, reminding us and others of God’s goodness even in hard times. Books like The Power of a Praying Wife or The Circle Maker (both available here) can deepen your understanding of how to pray in specific situations.
Finally, understand this: prayer is a sacrifice. It demands time, energy, and attention. If you think you can wing it or tack it onto your busy day, you’re fooling yourself. Real prayer—the kind that moves mountains and transforms lives—requires discipline over passion. It’s not always fun or easy, but it’s always worth it. So stop making excuses, take the time, and pray like you mean it. Because in the end, when you pray for someone, you’re not just speaking words—you’re stepping into the gap, carrying their burden, and inviting the power of heaven into their life. That’s no small thing.
Stories and Testimonies: The Raw Power of Prayer
Let me tell you something you probably don’t want to hear: prayer works, but it demands something from you. And most people aren’t willing to pay the price. I remember a time when I was completely burned out—physically, emotionally, and spiritually drained. I had ignored every sign of burnout and kept pushing through, convinced I could handle it alone. Then a friend—someone I had barely spoken to—came up to me and asked, “How can I pray for you today?” At first, I felt embarrassed, like I should have it all together, but the truth was, I didn’t. That simple question stopped me dead in my tracks. I’d been running on fumes, but in that moment, I was forced to confront my weakness. I broke down. That prayer wasn’t magic—it didn’t fix everything instantly—but it cracked open a door I’d been unwilling to open. Eckhart Tolle talks about how true healing and growth come when you’re fully present and accept the discomfort. And that’s exactly what happened in that prayer. I accepted my need for help and, in doing so, God met me there.
That moment changed everything. I learned that asking for prayer—and offering it—puts you in a vulnerable position, and that vulnerability opens the door to real transformation. So many of us think prayer is just a passive act, something that happens when we have time or when we’re “feeling it.” But it’s not. Prayer is an active decision to show up, to face your weakness, and to allow God to do what only He can. As Anthony de Mello would say, “Awakening is not a pleasant thing. It’s the realization that you’ve been asleep and missed your whole life.” Prayer isn’t some neat little ritual; it’s a wake-up call. When you offer prayer or ask for it, you’re confronting the reality that you can’t do it all alone. And that’s where real change happens.
Don’t tell me prayer doesn’t work unless you’ve actually put it into practice. Real prayer isn’t about making you feel good; it’s about pushing you beyond your limits. It’s not comfortable, and it’s not easy. But it’s worth it. Ask yourself: when was the last time you stopped everything and asked someone, “How can I pray for you today?” And more importantly, when was the last time you actually followed through? If you’re not willing to put in the work, don’t expect the miracles. James 5:16 reminds us that “The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective,” but here’s the catch: you can’t expect power without action. Prayer is the muscle.
Let’s get practical: if you’ve been slacking on following up with prayer requests, it’s time to change. Keep a prayer journal, or use an app like Echo Prayer to track requests (available on Amazon). Books like The Power of a Praying Wife or Prayers That Avail Much can give you a solid foundation and show you the depth of prayer’s impact (find them here). Prayer is more than just words; it’s action. It’s discipline over passion. If you aren’t willing to make it a priority, you’ll never see the power in it. Prayer changes things, but only if you take it seriously. If you’re ready to do the work, then you’re ready to receive the blessing that comes with it.
Encouragement to Start Today
Let’s not kid ourselves: you’ve been sitting on the sidelines for too long. You know you should be praying for others, but you’ve been too comfortable in your own world to actually step up. So here’s the brutal truth—get off your butt and ask someone today, “How can I pray for you?” Yes, today. Not tomorrow, not next week when you feel “better” or more prepared. Right now. You want to make a difference in someone’s life? Then take action. Prayer is not for the lazy. It’s not a last-minute, feel-good thing you tack onto your schedule. It’s a discipline. And discipline doesn’t wait for the “perfect moment.” It creates the moment. So stop overthinking it. Go. Ask. Now.
I know what you’re thinking: “But I’m shy. What if they don’t want me to pray for them?” Well, here’s the hard truth: it doesn’t matter. You’re not in control of their response, but you are responsible for your actions. If they say no, respect that. But don’t use their rejection as an excuse to sit back and do nothing. If you want to live a life of faith, you have to put the excuses to rest. Prayer isn’t about comfort; it’s about sacrifice. Anthony de Mello often said, “You cannot awaken unless you are willing to be uncomfortable.” So if you’re scared, good. That means you’re on the right track. Get comfortable with discomfort.
When you ask, don’t expect instant results or warm fuzzies. Prayer is an ongoing process—it’s not about you feeling holy, it’s about the act itself. You don’t get to take the easy road. Discipline over passion. That’s the rule. You think people change by sitting on the sidelines? No. People change when someone chooses to act, to show up, to ask “How can I pray for you?” in the middle of their chaos. You might not see an immediate shift, but trust me—your words have weight. James 5:16 doesn’t say “Maybe prayer is powerful”; it says, “The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.” Prayer is not passive. It’s an active, life-changing force.
So here’s the challenge: stop waiting. Do it today. Ask someone—maybe it’s a friend, a coworker, or even a stranger at church. Your faith is only as strong as your willingness to step out of your comfort zone. No one’s waiting for you to feel ready. You’ll never feel “ready.” But the world will change if you choose to act. Get uncomfortable. Get disciplined. And get moving. Don’t wait for the perfect moment—create it. Prayer is about sacrifice, and if you’re not willing to give up your comfort for someone else’s healing, you’re missing the point. Start today, or risk never starting at all.
Conclusion: Step Up and Pray
Here’s the truth you can’t ignore: praying for others isn’t an option if you claim to follow Christ. It’s a command. Galatians 6:2 says, “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” You don’t get to sit on the sidelines, nodding along, thinking “someone else will do it.” No. You are called to act, to carry the weight of others in prayer. This isn’t about feeling good or comfortable; it’s about doing the hard, sacrificial work that Christ calls us to. You want to live out your faith? Start praying for people—genuinely, boldly, without excuses. Stop making it a side thought, a quick “I’ll pray for you” that you forget as soon as you walk away. Real prayer takes discipline, effort, and a willingness to be uncomfortable.
You’re either serious about your faith or you’re not. Prayer is not a hobby; it’s an act of love and a sign of real commitment. We’ve all had those moments where we needed someone to step in, to pray with us, to carry our burdens. Don’t be the person who says, “I’ll pray for you” and does nothing. Be the one who drops the excuses, embraces the awkwardness, and prays on the spot. Take action, because if you aren’t willing to sacrifice your time, energy, and comfort to pray for others, you’re not really living out your faith.
So, here’s the question that matters: How can I pray for you today? Don’t just ask it—mean it. And don’t wait for someone to ask you. Be bold. Be active. Take the first step and offer prayer with intention and heart. Because when you pray for others, you’re not just fulfilling a command—you’re changing lives, including your own.
Stay well until next time
At your service,
Mani
