Face It—Choosing a Best Man is a Big Deal
Listen up: choosing a best man isn’t just about filling a slot or avoiding hurt feelings. Picking the wrong person for this role can turn a day meant for celebration into a disaster. I’ve seen weddings where the so-called best man forgot his duties, where the speech was a cringe-worthy embarrassment, and where the groom ended up doing damage control because he chose his friend out of guilt. If you think the title of “best man” is an automatic or sentimental choice, you’re setting yourself up for regret. This isn’t a pageant or a popularity contest; it’s about finding someone who can handle responsibility and be there when it counts.
People love to romanticize the best man’s role, but let’s get real—it’s not glamorous, and it’s not always easy. The best man has to be dependable and show up in more ways than one. He’s the guy who will calm your nerves, keep things organized, and pull through if something goes wrong. And that means not picking the guy who flakes on regular plans, or the guy who’s too busy with his own drama to focus on anyone else. I remember my friend Tom picking his oldest friend as best man because he thought it “felt right,” but his friend ghosted during the planning, missed half the events, and was a no-show at critical moments. That’s what happens when you choose based on sentiment, not logic.
Then there’s the pressure to choose family. Look, sometimes the best man should be your brother. But if your brother’s never once been dependable or isn’t up to the responsibility, think hard before locking it in. Your wedding day isn’t the time to put someone to the test, hoping they’ll miraculously step up. My cousin made his brother best man even though they barely got along, hoping it’d “bring them closer.” It didn’t. His brother was late, stressed out, and barely involved. A best man should be a stabilizer, not someone you hope will rise to the occasion. Be honest about who fits that role in your life, and if it’s not your brother or closest friend, then so be it.
If you can’t see your potential best man taking charge in an emergency or handling the basics, it’s time to rethink. There are no participation awards here. Weddings involve logistics, last-minute changes, and real responsibilities, and your best man has to be willing and able to handle them. Imagine a guy who’s always late or who doesn’t answer texts—you’re trusting him with crucial details of one of the biggest days of your life? It sounds harsh, but you need to get real with yourself. A solid best man isn’t just “your guy”; he’s your rock for the day. Anything less, and you’re in for a mess.
Bottom line: don’t go with the “easy” choice or the choice that feels comfortable. Go with the choice that’s smart. Be brutally honest with yourself about each person you’re considering and ask yourself if they’ll truly have your back when it counts read how to be better man everyday. If they won’t, move on, no matter how much history you share or how bad you think they’ll feel. This is your wedding, and if that means having a tough conversation or ruffling a few feathers, so be it. The right best man will be honored to step up. The wrong one will only make the day harder than it has to be.
How to Ask Without the Awkwardness
When it comes to asking someone to be your best man, keep it real and don’t dress it up. Skip the emotional buildup or elaborate gestures, because if you’re choosing the right person, he’ll respect a straightforward approach more than any grand display. The best men I know don’t need sappy pitches or “bro bonding” over it; they’ll be honored to help if they’re up to the task. You’re asking for support on one of the biggest days of your life, so treat it like what it is—an important role, not a casual favor. If you find yourself tiptoeing around the ask, wondering if he’s ready for it, that’s a sign you might be talking to the wrong guy.
A friend of mine learned this the hard way when he asked his best friend from college to be his best man. Instead of being direct, he tried to soften the ask with jokes and reassurances, trying to make the role seem “no big deal” because he knew his friend was unreliable. Big mistake. The guy accepted, but only half-heartedly, and barely showed up for any of the wedding planning or even the rehearsal dinner. My friend spent more time trying to get his best man on board than actually enjoying the lead-up to his wedding. If you’re uncomfortable being direct about what you need, ask yourself if he’s really the right person.
If you’re worried about how the conversation will go, prepare for it. There’s nothing wrong with thinking through your words, especially if this guy’s important to you. Be clear about what you need, and don’t be afraid to spell it out. You could say, “Look, I need you to have my back on this, keep things organized, and be there at every step. Can you handle that?” This isn’t a negotiation. If he’s a solid choice, he’ll respect the honesty and appreciate the trust. If he seems hesitant, pay attention—hesitation often means he’s not as invested or capable as you might wish.
And what if he says no? That’s the uncomfortable reality no one wants to think about, but sometimes people just aren’t ready to step up. Maybe he’s got too much on his plate, maybe he doesn’t feel confident, or maybe he just isn’t as close to you as you thought. Whatever the reason, let it go and don’t take it personally. The last thing you need is someone who doesn’t want to be there. My cousin once asked a friend to be his best man, and the friend turned it down, claiming “he wasn’t the right person.” Tough to hear, but it saved him from picking someone who’d only show up halfway.
If he’s not up for it, don’t waste time on guilt or wishful thinking. Move on to someone who is genuinely willing and capable. A strong best man should make the job easier, not add stress. You need someone who can handle the logistics, be by your side, and help make the day as smooth as possible. If your first choice isn’t that guy, don’t look back—thank him for being honest and pick someone who has what it takes. After all, you want to walk into your wedding day with confidence, not with doubts about who’s standing beside you.
Writing a Best Man Speech: Don’t Bore or Embarrass the Crowd
Here’s the truth: a best man speech isn’t a place to audition for stand-up or roll out generic lines. Clichés and forced jokes only make people squirm. I’ve sat through speeches where the best man just recycled old lines like “we’ve been best friends since we were kids” and “he’s always been there for me.” Really? That’s it? People want to hear something real, something that captures why you’re standing there. If you can’t deliver an honest speech that shows a slice of the groom’s real personality, then what’s the point? Skip the stale jokes and focus on what makes your friendship unique.
And let’s talk about jokes for a second: one or two genuine, lighthearted lines are fine, but know when to stop. I’ve seen best men crack awkward jokes about the groom’s past relationships or his wild college days, thinking it’d be funny. Guess what? It’s usually not, and it just makes everyone uncomfortable. Keep it respectful. You don’t need to roast him, and you don’t need to give a highlight reel of every embarrassing moment. The goal is to celebrate him, not make him the punchline. Pick a story that actually shows who he is, not just something that’ll get a laugh at his expense.
If the groom is your brother, don’t hold back on the real stuff. Show respect for the bond you share, but keep it genuine. I remember a guy who got up and gave a speech for his brother, but it was all superficial stuff—“he’s always been a good brother,” “we’ve had fun times.” It was empty, like he didn’t even know his own brother. If you’re speaking about your brother, go deeper. Talk about the ways he’s been there for you, the challenges you’ve been through together, and why this day matters. People can tell when it’s real and when it’s surface-level.
And finally, don’t ramble. Best man speeches don’t need to be an epic. A simple structure is all you need: a quick intro, a meaningful story, a toast, and a strong ending. Keep it focused and concise. I’ve seen too many speeches where the guy just drags on, and people start looking at their watches or whispering. Say what you need to say, make it meaningful, and wrap it up. If you put in the effort to be genuine, direct, and respectful, you’ll give a speech that people actually remember for the right reasons.
Ending the Speech Like a Pro
Wrapping up a best man speech should be simple, strong, and memorable—no corny jokes, no overblown sentimentality. The goal is to leave the crowd with a sense of genuine respect and admiration for the couple, not a forced performance. Too often, best men fall into the trap of rambling at the end, trying to pack in every possible compliment or add some long-winded toast that falls flat. Here’s the truth: people aren’t here to watch you try out lines that sound good on paper. They want real words that come from you, words that actually mean something to the groom and the bride.
When you’re closing, don’t try to be poetic if that’s not your style. I once heard a best man end his speech by quoting Shakespeare—he thought it would add weight, but it just felt out of place and awkward. Instead, go for honesty. A strong, simple line that sums up the bond between the couple and why their marriage matters is worth a thousand recycled quotes. Say something like, “You two balance each other in a way that’s rare, and I’m genuinely grateful to be here to celebrate that.” No need for anything fancy; just make it authentic and straight to the point.
If you’re going to toast the couple, keep it straightforward. Raise your glass, keep your line concise, and skip the over-the-top language. Something like, “To [bride’s name] and [groom’s name]—may you have more love, laughter, and good times than you ever thought possible” works way better than some overly poetic statement. The best toasts aren’t long or elaborate; they’re direct and grounded in real emotion. People will appreciate that much more than a drawn-out speech that sounds like it was pulled from a greeting card.
The last words you say are the ones people remember most, so don’t let them fizzle out. Aim to leave a strong final impression, whether that’s through a brief story or just a few heartfelt words. I remember one best man who closed with, “You’re the best friend I could ask for, and if your marriage is anything like our friendship, you’ll be just fine.” Simple, real, and memorable. Everyone could feel the honesty in his words, and it left a lasting impact without him trying to be someone he wasn’t.
Bottom line? Don’t try to fake depth or force emotion. Be yourself, be respectful, and close with intention. A short, heartfelt ending will mean more than any grand declaration or flashy joke. People appreciate authenticity, and if you can bring that to the end of your speech, you’ll not only make the couple happy but also leave a lasting impression on everyone in the room
Stick to the Plan and Mean It
At the end of the day, if you’ve made the right choices, done the work, and kept it real, there’s nothing to regret. This isn’t the time to get fancy or wing it—you’re standing up there because the groom chose you, and you owe it to him to deliver. Too many best men get caught up thinking it’s a performance, trying to impress the crowd with jokes or emotional anecdotes they barely feel. But this isn’t about a show. It’s about standing up for someone you care about, celebrating them, and showing the respect they deserve on their big day. So, strip away the fluff and stick to what’s real.
If you’ve prepared a speech that reflects the truth of your friendship and who the groom really is, you’ll feel good about what you say, no matter what anyone else thinks. I once saw a guy overthink every line of his speech, trying to get the perfect mix of humor and sentiment, only to end up stumbling through his words because it wasn’t actually him speaking. That’s the thing—if you’re honest and stay true to your own voice, people will feel it. You’re not there to win applause; you’re there to celebrate your friend. Anything else is just extra noise.
So, when the time comes, show up, speak from the heart, and mean every word. This is one of those moments in life that really matters, not because of how polished your speech sounds, but because of the commitment you’re honoring. It’s not complicated: say what you mean, respect the responsibility, and make it about the people you care about. If you’ve put in the thought and the effort, there won’t be any room for regrets.
Stay well until next time
At your service,
Mani
